Today marks the fourth time that I have nearly been hit by a car while walking in the crosswalk in route to the parking lot of a local plaza.
Before you jump to conclusions thinking that Dipsy Doodles gon’ done it again, let me preface this by saying I do not text and walk in this parking lot, I still look both ways and both ways again before setting foot in the crosswalk, and when possible, I try to cross with other people.
So let me recap today’s near-death experience. (Alright, alright, no one even got hurt, but I literally saw glimpses of my life flash before me as the car came catapulting towards me….)
I just got in a pretty solid work out at the local Edge Fitness Clubs near me. I have been making a valiant attempt to get back into my gym routine and build a better me one hour and one day at a time. So leaving the gym, feeling great I stop at the end of the sidewalk and begin my “Christina-is-about-to-enter-traffic Procedure.”
Step 1: Place your hand held devices in the secure, out-of-hand and locked position.
Step 2: Slow down as you make your final descent to the edge of the sidewalk.
Step 3: Slowly and observantly rotate the neck to the left and right, noting the traffic passing on both sides.
Step 4: Repeat Step 3 until cars are stopped, seem like they are stopping, or no car is present at all.
Step 5: Proceed with caution into the crosswalk, where cars SHOULD see you and when they see you in the crosswalk walking, they should slow down and come to a stop.
Step 6: If after you have proceeded into the crosswalk and a car comes jettisoning towards you, quickly say a Hail Mary and stare down the driver and wish on all shooting stars that they will stop.
Step 7: You made it. It may have gotten a little scary, but scary is good—sometimes. Oh, and you might have scared 10 years off your life. Ooops!
So today, I follow the steps and I’ve deemed it okay to start walking into the crosswalk. There was a car stopped near the sidewalk letting some out out—(I want valet service to the gym, too….excuse me, sir….here’s my address!) and then there was a car coming into the plaza who saw me and stopped (Nice job, A+ for you for being a decent human being). I’m now mid-walk and out of nowhere comes a car with the driver completely turned around looking and screaming at her kid in the backseat—who’s now bawling with one hand on the steering wheel and hoping she’s still going straight. When she finally spins back around, she mouths a “WHAT THE F*%$” as if it’s my fault I did not see her and she almost hit me. At the same moment she jams on the breaks and the car jerks forward and stops mere inches from my body.
Now, I, in the crosswalk seeing my life flash before my eyes, have a flood of thoughts.
“Oh, look at this asshole….she’s not even looking where she’s going!”
“She’s no better than those idiots who text and drive!”
“She’s gonna hit someone and it better not be me”
“Oh shit….she’s not stopping”
“Hail Mary, full of grace….shit, how does it go? Uhggg! I should have paid attention in CCD years ago!”
“What? My fault? You weren’t even looking! Some people shouldn’t be allowed to drive….three strikes you’re out kind of rules. No more breaks for idiots—who are the ones that cause accidents and near misses, mind you.”
I finally gather my breath and composure to proceed across into the parking lot and sprint to my car and drive away. I instantly call my mother and have the following conversation.
Me “Hey, what’s up?”
Mom “Nothing, what are you doing?”
Me “Not much. Went to the gym. Nearly got hit by a car, ya know. Living the dream.”
Mom “Oh that’s good…wait, WHAT?”
When you go out later, be kind to that poor pedestrian in the crosswalk who just wants to live another day.
Go forth and make me proud, people!
Keep it classy,